One Of The Best Jobs In The World, Ever

The Starlight Children's Foundation is looking for a Wishgranting Coordinator to "Brighten the lives of seriously ill and hospitalised children."

Yes, you can be THAT person.

Based in Melbourne, you will look after all all aspects of the Wishgranting program, talking to children, families, doctors, volunteers, donors, sponsors... the whole special shebang.

Selection Criteria:

* Background in health or health related experience preferable
* Understanding of the needs of children and families coping with a serious illness
* High level written and verbal communication skills
* Experience in the development and delivery of training sessions
* High level computer skills in Word, Excel, Power Point and Database management
* Highly organised and effective work practices
* Proven ability to work under pressure
* Ability to effectively manage a number of different activities
* Ability to relate to people at different levels
* Demonstrated experience in working with children
* Prior experience as a volunteer or working with volunteers preferable
* Familiarity with the park layouts of Dreamworld, Seaworld and Disneyland
* Understanding the needs of sports stars, pop stars and politicians

The best bit of the job ad is this little sentence.

Integral to this role will be your ability to demonstrate empathy, respect and care of all stakeholders.

Stakeholders? Who writes this merde? Number two in the selection criteria says so much best. Better would be to let the applicant work out that bit for themselves.

Applications to nikki.collard@mcarthur.com.au by Friday 11th November 2005

Note: I made up the last two selection criteria.

Redundant Journalists Wanted

Crikey's response to yesterday's announcement of 60 redundancies at The Age and Sydney Morning Herald.

Ace Daytura, Tree Detective

The Bayside City Council are looking for a ...get this... "Investigations Arborist" to cut down the big guys who flout the council's strict tree protection laws.

There's a bunch of "significant trees" out there and somebody's got to protect them. You will also check up on small tree permit applications and will be giving advice to amateur pruners on Bayside's mean streets.

You're off the case if you don't have a Degree in Arboriculture.

Position description in full.

Why I'm Still The Beaver

I still got no job, interesting or otherwise.

The economists reckon I should have a job by now 'cos it's a 'jobseekers market'.
The government reckon it's because I'm failing to meet my mutual obligations.
The pundits at Crikey reckon it's because I was once a unionist.
The people at the gym say it's because I'm not doing enough reps.
John Lennon reckons it's because I'm a dreamer but luckily I'm not the only one.
The mystics believe it's because I'm cursed.
Mark Latham reckons it's because my parents never read to me and that I'm a suckhole.
Nobody cares what the federal opposition have to say of the matter.
Germaine Greer reckons it's because employers are scared of boys who refuse to 'grow up'.
The horoscopes reckon it's because my moon's got crabs.
Brian Wilson just guesses I wasn't made for these times.
Australian Idol's Mark Holden reckons he's seen me perform well but hasn't yet seen me take my performance to the next level.
The guy who fixes my tires reckons my career is only flat on the bottom.

I'm with the mystics.

Dog Catcher, Full Training Provided (To You, That Is)

A stray dog, yesterday., originally uploaded by glennpeters.

The Lost Dogs Home needs an Animal Control Officer to work the Darebin beat.

Duties include collection and impoundment of stray domestic animals (picking up felons), especially dogs and cats, permit inspections and animal business audits (hassling Mr Bigs), dog attack investigations (investigations, alright!), education (visiting schoolkids), park patrols and the general enforcement of the provisions of the Domestic Animals Act.

Forget The Bill, this is crime fightin'.

A background or exposure to the regulatory environment of animal welfare/management legislation is an advantage, but not essential as full training will be provided.

To find out more, call Kevin Apostolides on 9329 2755, email your CV to kevina@lostdogs.org.au or mail it to:

Confidential: Animal Control Officer
Kevin Apostolides
The Lost Dogs’ Home
2 Gracie Street
North Melbourne Vic 3051